High School Requiem
by dizzy4
Summary: Whilst living her high school life, Serena encounters the obstacles every normal teen does: parent's, angst, fear and love. DS chap5 Dec804 Enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

Hall of Horror, Chamber of Screams, High school is full of fond and disappointing memories for all. No one understands this more than Serena Tsukino. A story of a high school girl, surviving a high school life. D/S Pairing. 

Enter the Faculty

                I felt ill; positively and absolutely ill. The simple act of sitting at my test as I plucked away empty words trying to fill a useless page made me feel like an overstuffed bear. 

                It was happening more often, this recluse. The world, that at one time shone so vibrantly before my eyes, now loomed like an ever-expanding universe. Sweat glistened from my pores and I became very aware of my body. My thighs pushed heavily into the chair, quickly cutting the blood from my toes, my stomach bulging from the endless bag like sweaters I wore.

                Most people treated clothing as yet another superficial accessory. To me, however, they were so much more. They were my armour; baggy, oversized pants and sweaters that could easily fit someone twice my size and second hand rages most wouldn't dream of walking over composed my closet into a messy compost.

                "Five minutes, people." The teachers voice echoed over the walls, falling onto empty ears. A few students attempted to finish their essay long answers, pencils scribbling roughly over the cheap paper. I cast my eyes to my own sheet, answers messily scrawled in heavy leaded pencil. I reread my responses a final time, ensuring I hadn't forgotten anything. The bell sounded.

                "Pencils down pass up your papers. Mr Jones, I said pencils down!" Professor Ludwig's tone carried a hefty price, and I hid a smile as Dan rolled his eyes. The rest of the class had begun their descent down the crowded aisle; anxious to escape the depressing hall that was social testing. I waited a moment, not really in any hurry. Finally, as a pathway cleared, I grabbed my pencil and eraser and made my way to the corridor.

                Laughter, name-calling and the normal comrade of mature high school students met my ears as I left the comfort of the classroom hell. Glancing at my wrist, I noticed the clock read ten to three. What to do in these final moments? I thought to myself. Suddenly, heavy hands collided with my back, sending me reeling to the ground. Looking desperately for something to grab, I reached out for the nearest object that happened to be someone's arm. They cried in alarm as they crashed down with me. Feeling somewhat dazed, it took me a moment for my temper to flare.

                "The hell," my voice was cut off by a muffled yelp, and I noticed I was sitting on some poor freshman. Giggling nervously, I graciously rolled to the side, allowing them to escape from the large haired freak. Paying attention again to the evil laughter before me, I saw my best friend standing before me, hands on her slim hips.

                "You're such a klutz, you cow!" I snorted.

                "Shut up, chicken." She responded by pulling me up and patting my back. Noting my grungy wear, she raised an eyebrow.

                "I had no idea the school was so cold hon." My tongue slithered out my lips, sending a very wet raspberry her way.

                "With you in it, how could anyone possibly keep warm?" Molly threw her hands up in defence.

                "Ow! Just, oww Sere, that burned." I giggled, brushing my bangs from my eyes. Molly and I had been close since our first meeting; she with a red, triangle-like Afro and myself with adorable twin buns, our love of untraditional hair qualities brought our kindergarten counterparts together. 

                Linking her arm through my own, she pulled me down the crowded hall to our lockers. "So," she chirped, her steps light and bouncy. "Whacha doing after school today?" I rolled my eyes.

                "Math tutoring, just like every other day." I smothered her lips with my palm, silencing the words I knew I would be hearing.

                "Mphh!"

                "No Mol, there's no hot and sexy affair going on between Darien and I." She slumped, visibly disappointed beside me. So concentrated on our private interactions were we that we didn't notice the seniors before us. Bumping unceremoniously into a hard body before me caused my breath to escape.

                "Watch where you're going, fatty." Ah, the football team- the pinnacle of nature's evolutions; protist growing into eucaryotics, reptilians, mammals, and back into primordial slime. Thanks Gaia. Pulling my arm from Molly's, I crossed them transversely over my chest, sending what was intended as a disgusted smirk their way.

                "Perhaps if you spent less time loitering about and more time in practice, you all might actually win a game." Both our lips pulled up into beams as we pushed unapologetically through. A blond bimbo (no offence to anyone of the blond specimen, one of which I to partake. But, even the most clouded of us must admit some live up to the stereotype) dared to grab my arm in a failing attempt to stare me down. I jerked it from her hold, narrowing my eyes. Hissing a tone above the abysmal racket of the setting, I sent a warning. "Don't," she raised an eyebrow.

                "What are you going to do, Medusa, sick your bad hygiene my way?" The group burst into hysterics at the not-so-clever use of Grecian mythology. Ha ha, I get it. Ugly hag. Amusing. Hearing the toll of the dismissal bell, I suddenly remembered my study help. Not even bothering with the tittering fools behind me, I smiled at Molly.

                "I'll try and catch up with you tonight, okay? Get everyone together and see a movie or something." She nodded in approval and waved a salutation as I raced out the crowds and into the fresh outdoors, backpack bouncing heavily on my shoulders. I pictured how I looked and shuddered, aware of the rolls beneath the baggy armour, cellulite laughing heavily at me for giving into those chocolate cookies from Lita. 

                As most students piled into their parent-bought Porsche, or beat up civic to drive away, I settled onto my trusty bike. I had already turned sixteen last fall and could have had my drivers in time for junior year, but I had neither the car nor the care enough to test. Besides; bikes were nice-trusty. Gave you exercise.

                I peddled over the bumpy grass field in front of Berkley Academy, swerving expertly around the flogs of slow moving student bodies. Reaching the sidewalk, I broke into a fast pace, enjoying the feel of blood rushing through my veins. The January cold was not as brisk as normal, thanks to the goodness of global warming. Soon the school was nothing but an ant on a hill as mini-marts and walk-in stores lined the streets of downtown Place. 

                Veering into a small alley, I moved around garbage bags. This classy little short cut sliced thirty minutes from my morning routine. 

                Barrelling out the opening I rounded one more bend until the letters of Public Library glinted closely. Braking rapidly, I pulled my mini-vehicle into a bike rack, locking it with a pink chain. My bag shifted on my back, and I pulled the strap back on as I raced towards the entrance. Looking down at my watches face, I noted I still had 5 seconds.

                Taking the steps two at a time, I reached the general study area in my allotted time. My tutor stared up at me as I panted, my face red from exertion and the cold. He raised a cocky eyebrow. I was going to wax those of, one day soon.

                "You're on time. That's new." My lip curled in a sarcastic grin. Plopping my oversized knapsack before his feet, I pulled out a binder, textbook and calculator.

                "Can we just get started, please?" I was very on edge. My SAT's for math were nearing sooner than I hoped. My goal was to end my struggle in math by finishing it a year and a half in advance. There was no way I was going to fail that stupidly glorified exam after all my hard work! He sent a sympathetic smile my way.

                "First, relax. Tension isn't going to solve," he paused and read the title of my notes. "…Permutations and combinations." He placed a warm hand on my shoulder, attempting to ebb my paranoia away. I tensed first, wondering if he was going to feel disgusted by what he felt beneath the sweater. Then, I felt my muscles unlock, his inane centred state bringing me back to where I needed to be. He always carried this affect on me. "Secondly, what's got you so uptight?" he cooed in my ear. I resisted the urge to melt in his hold. I turned to face him.

                His eyes were really deep pools of ocean spray, constantly in motion, constantly in thought. His lips were shaped in a smooth line, intensely difficult to resist. Pulling me into a hug, I felt his perfect, rock hard build against the flabbiness of my own. He was so perfect. I sighed.

                "Just, tiered I guess." He nodded. Ensuring no one was around; he leaned forward, placing a quick peck on my lips. I grinned slyly. "Better than coffee," I whispered. He chuckled.

                "Don't look at me that way, or we'll never get through these equations." Just like him.

                Darien and I met over two years ago, when Mum and Dad both decided to send me to a tutor. The local university was, at the time, offering tutors for a super low price and being the thrifty people they are, I was signed without even a notice.

                It worked out for the better I had to admit. Although our beginning was rocky and full of childish insults and pranks, a deep bond began to grow forming a friendship and, well, whatever we were now. Though there is a heftier age difference than most, him falling into the category of 'legal everywhere' (aka, 21) and me, well, not, we have managed to stick it through. Only heaven knows; and maybe some sneaky butterfly. A finger poked my stomach and I batted it away annoyed.

                "Pay attention," he said. I sighed. Did he always have to be so responsible?

                Two hours had past, and my stomach grumbled impatiently. I shifted uncomfortably at the worktable.

                "Dare, I think we're done for the day." He looked up to the clock, clearly aghast. Shrugging his built shoulders, he pulled on a black knit sweater.

                "Time flies when your exposing powers," damn those math geniuses.

                "Freak," I muttered, gathering my books together. He came up behind me, squeezing me in a playful fashion. I giggled. What was I, the Pillsbury doughboy?

                "Where are you going now?" he asked me as we descended the stairs. I shrugged. 

"I told Molly to call the troops together to see a movie, but I doubt she will." He cocked his head in that cute fashion he could only do.

"Why not?" I sighed.

"Domino always calls on Mondays. Whenever he's around, she gets loopy." My index pointed to my temple, turning in a circular motion as I both crossed my eyes and stuck out my tongue. Darien stared at me strangely for a moment before bursting out into a grin. Domino's real name was Melvin Umino. Since 'Melvin' was a cruel name and 'Umino' was just odd, we'd resorted to calling him Domino; it sort of sounded like Umino and he loved playing dominoes with anything. Textbooks, beware! 

Mol and he has been an on-again, off-again couple since freshman year. Everyone knows though the only things keeping them apart are their fears of commitment. Eat your heart our, Freud. 

Darien stopped for a moment and reached into his pocket. I looked at him confused. "What are you doing?"

He pulled out his cell phone and pushed a button. I opened my mouth in question, but he silenced me with a finger.

"Hello? Ms Campbell, what a pleasure. This is Darien Shields calling; yes, Serena's tutor, that's right." His eyes shot up in surprise as he pulled the screaming cell away from his ear. My brows pulled together, questions on the tip of my lips. "N-no, no Ma'am, she hasn't missed our class, quite the opposite. Serena would like some extra practice; would it be alright if I worked with her another hour or two?" He paused, another smile creeping onto his lips. What a bad boy. "All evening? Really? Oh, of course. I'll be sure she gets something to eat. Yes, of course." He winked my way. "I'll have her call you then when we're finished. Thank you Ms Campbell. Yes, good day. Bye." 

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Lying to my mother, why Mr. Shields, how daring." I drawled in a southern twang, inching teasingly near. Snapping his cell closed, he wrapped his arms around my middle. What he found attractive in me I would never know, though at the moment, I cared very little.

"I'm sorry, Ms Tsukino." His breath heated the tip of my nose. I lifted my chin to meet his towering gaze, lips brushing in a soft kiss. MmmHmm. I love his kisses. Somewhere close, a bratty child launched leering onomatopoeic phrases, mostly all gushing sounds. I felt my hunk sigh into me and I tittered.

"Let's go get some food?" I almost nodded, and then I recalled the feeling of excessiveness all about me and my hunger pangs vanished.

"Actually, I'm not all that hungry." He did not even try to hold his laughter back. Removing myself from his embrace, I stalked over to my bike, unlatching the lock and pulled it out onto the sidewalk. He noticed my absence and jogged over to where I stood. Trying to place an apologetic hand on my own, I quickly yanked it from beneath his touch. His mood grew instantaneously serious.

"Sere, what's wrong?" I refused to answer. "I was just teasing. You're almost always in the mood to eat; you've never refused a chance to chow down before…" Before I was fuming. Now I was livid. Why were men always so dense?

"Never refused a chance to 'chow down'? What am I, a pig or a girl?" He seemed to deliberate the reaction in his mind. I turned my bike to the sidewalk and quickened my pace. "Not funny, Darien." He caught up with me one more time.

"Serena," he tried. I did not slow. His hand shot out and grasped my wrist, refusing to let go.

"Go away." He didn't. I spun and faced him, tears forming in the corners of my eyes. 

"Serena," he said again, repentance vivid in his irresistible eyes. 

"You know I hate jokes like that," he said nothing. "I get enough 'tubby' crap at school, kay? I don't need it from you too." Alarm filled his features.

"That's not what I meant, Sere. You know I would never say anything like that." He forced me to look at him. I knew I was going to be proven wrong, but it didn't seem like such a bad thing coming from him. "You are no where near being even the slightest bit heavy." He pulled me closer. I didn't resist. "Anyone who tries to say otherwise isn't worth the crap I'll kick out of them." A small snort left my nose. "Have I ever lied to you?" I sighed. 

                "No," he grinned.

                "That's because I'm always right." His lips pressed softly onto my forehead. Leaving my side briefly to attach my bike onto the top of his car (his very, expensive car) he motioned me to enter his 'second favourite girl'. I glided into it, thankful to clear the cold. 

Sending a wink my way, he asked, "where to, Princess?" I laughed, buckling my seatbelt as he revved the engine. I paused a moment, as if to think.

"The mall!" and we were off.

I arrived home late that night. The clock had just struck midnight as I crept through the front door, my backpack lagging heavily behind me. I looked around curiously for the presence of my mother. Stealing into the living room, I saw she was passed out on the couch, and empty bottle of gin half hidden beside her.

She'd started drinking a year ago, when she found out the truth that Dad was hiding. Neither one of us told Sammy; I couldn't allow my little brother's idol to be broken. Gin, Rum and Kalhua replaced her unworthy husband. Both of us still lived with her though, save the few trespasses to his house.

"Oh, mummy," I took the empty bottle and hid it amongst the other emptied criminals. Carrying a quilt from a neighbouring couch, I covered her gently and closed the blinds. Placing a soft kiss on her cheek, I headed upstairs.

Luna was curled comfortably in the middle of my bed, and I stopped a brief moment to pet her. My darling kitty; sometimes, I am so sure a human hides beneath her fur, just waiting to jump out. Heading to the bathroom, I flicked the switch. Quickly brushing my teeth and washing my teeth, I proceeded with the 'inspection'. Pores mostly clear, good. Teeth, smooth and shiny as I ran my tongue over my mouth. Alas, the moment of dread had come. 

Facing the full-length mirror, I eyed myself realistically. My hair was done in its usual dual bun style, long platinum lengths escaping from the messy up do. Sky blue eyes gazed back at me from beneath my shaggy bangs, heart shape face framing a small nose and lips complete with a cupid's peak. Stupid cupid.

My baggy, black sweater and oversized army pants were soon discarded on the floor, and I studied my near nude form. Tears of frustration formed beneath my lashes. A thick neck grew into wide, bulbous shoulders. Fat protruded from odd little sacs between my arm folding, as well as over and under my bra line.

My stomach swelled as if a beast lived within; large, putrid and ready for emergence. My butt, my thighs…I couldn't finish.

"God," I choked. I couldn't look any more. My stomach felt heavy and empty, both the same time. I sucked the fat in, revelling in the brief appearance of ribs. The satisfaction quickly subsided as air flowed back into me. Grabbing my pj's from the towel rack, I hurriedly pulled them on, no longer able to look at the walking lard that mirrored my movements. "No more," I said. "No MORE!"

As if to affirm my point, a tear slid down my cheek. Hastily wiping it gone, I clicked off the light and headed into my room.

Sliding under the soft covers felt absolutely heavenly. Stifling a yawn, I pulled Luna close. The dawning of a new era, my mind raced. I would gain the upper hand. I would no longer be the butt of each fat joke their feeble minds could conceive. 

I was going to be thin, and beautiful and perfect for Darien, my family…and me.

S                                                                                                                                                                S

 Whew! What a long chapter. I started this around three in the morning and surprise surprise, the ideas kept coming. Nothing much really happened, this was just to stand as an introduction (as most 1st chapters serve) to lay down the setting, characters and story. Hopefully, you can all sort of feel the groove. The story begins now (January) and spans until the end of the year, Junior Prom.

                This story takes place in America, because my homeland is frozen and boring ( though, we have some pretty psycho beavers). Unfortunately, I have no idea how their curriculum works, how the names work (it goes freshmen, sophomore, junior, senior, right?) Please feel free to correct me on any/all mistakes I will make. Thanks and I hope you all enjoyed it.

**Next time**;  School continues as normal and Serena decides on a strict exercise and eating regime. Does anyone notice? Who's this boy at school that suddenly pays her attention? Will Domino ask Molly as his steady? And what's this, a toilet papering of a football players car? Stay tuned!

R&R as always

@_@


	2. The Friendly Stranger

                AN: thanks to all who reviewed, I feel very happy. 

Jennifer Wand:  thank you very much for your critique. I actually began this story as an original, but I ended up viewing it more as a real-life type sailor moon circumstance. I don't know why. I tried in this chapter to make Serena sound less serious. I know she's a very light-hearted jovial character, but I also feel that she, like most 16 year-olds, goes through a period of 'awareness' by which they discover more about themselves and others. Hope you like this chapter!

Koldy:  kool is nice J

Fiy-chan: I hope you enjoy the following chapters.

Forever his: **whew** glad I got the order right. 

Aurora: lol, thanks for your review. No, she's not actually fat but she sort of embodies all the extra stress that she has (about school, home, etc) as being fat on her. Since she can't control all the outside things in her life, she tries to control her shape. Like most girls her age, she's MUCH more aware of her form and wants it too look the way she envisions perfection.

On with the tale!

**The Friendly Stalker**

It was frightfully freezing as I stepped outside. The sun nestled still beneath dawn's cover, and my body wished for the warmth of my bed. Taking a deep breath, I choked on the frigid air. How does Dare do this every day? I wondered.

                My steps were wide and bouncy, and it didn't take long for the blood to begin pumping through my veins. I began around my block, touring the streets and alleys where I had lived my whole life; cracked sidewalks reminisced first experiences on bikes, skateboards…boyfriends. Through my heavy layers, I felt a warmth rush to my cheeks. It was not caused by the exercise. An eternity passed (though in truth, it was only ten minutes) and the pleasant sensation of muscles pumping and blood flowing left. My lungs began to burn and my shins and sides exploding in cramps. This was not as easy as those fitness people preached. 

                Still though, I pushed on. Come now, Serena. Ten more minutes, I pleaded with myself. My body ignored me. Finally, I could take it no more. I slowed to a quick walk. My head felt heavy and hunger pangs from the previous night attacked suddenly and with full ferocity. I wanted nothing more then to return home and settle in a steamy shower. No longer paying any attention, I was surprised to see myself before my door so quickly. 

                "The cold is a great enticer," I huffed past breathless lips.

                Racing up the stairs, I discarded my heavy winter garments and embraced the pulsating tiles of my glorious bathroom floor. Letting the water warm, I threw a quick glance into the mirror; strange. Suddenly my mind saw things it hadn't envisioned before. There was a slight curvature along my arms and legs, proof of my preliminary run. Though still rather winded, I felt a surge of self-confidence, the likes which had become an unknown to me these past months. My lips curved into a genuine smile. "Yay."

                By the time I emerged from the house, the sun had revoked its duvet, tiny filters of warmth floating down. Somehow, mum had managed to sleep through my morning barrage and I felt the fleeting urge to close the blinds. Nonchalance replaced the urge and I released a bitter laugh. "Your own fault, mum." My whispers were for no one.

Knapsack weighing less heavily on my shoulders, (due to the fact that my books were 'conveniently' forgotten on my desk) I shrugged and pulled out my bike, queerly eager to begin my day. I began to pedal.

The grounds for Berkley High were covered in a moss of hormone driven imbeciles. I grinned; that one had come from Darien on a particularly crabby day. My decent "s'cuse me" and "move please" were met with rude grunts and sneer's. Securing my bike in its rack, I turned only to bump into something.

"My god, Serena. Doth mine eyes deceive? You're on time!" I rolled my eyes at the gaping blond.

"Actually Min, I'm early." Her mouth remained in a frozen mock. Giggling at her childish antics, I sprang forth, catching her off guard. "MORNING!" I yelled in a sing-songy voice. We laughed blissfully as we both tumbled to the frozen dirt.

"Ow, Sere you cow!" I let the comment slide; sticking my tongue out quickly before she threw me off and stood. "Now my pants are all wet!" she chided me comically as she tries desperately to remove the stubborn ice from her slim legs. Mina and I had met the first day of middle school. She immediately integrated Molly and I into her rather prosperous group of friends. She was as beautiful as she was flighty, and we both suffered our own ditzy endings. Her goal was to one day become a great actress and found joy in playing the drama queen. It would be annoying if she weren't so funny.

"So," she began, changing her tone rather seriously. "Who is he?" I froze.

"Huh?" curiosity seeped over my impending nervousness. Though I was certainly not ashamed of my relationship with Dare (who would be?) there was the slight problem of daddykins. Were he ever to find out…since I loved my man with all his parts, we had decided to keep our relationship secret. This meant not telling a soul. Unfortunately, my bosom sisters fell into that category. Mina simply tapped her foot impatiently.

"Puh-leaze Serena, what do you take me for, some kind of fool?" Nothing. I said nothing. She continued, not missing a beat. "You were supposed to go see a movie with us yesterday, 'member? Molly called us ALL up, boyfriends included. Now you know how hard it is to disrupt their sports schedules. Anyway, we tried and tried to get a hold of you. Do you know what your mum said?" I pulled myself up, my legs registering the cold of cement.

"Umm..," my cover was about to be blown.

"SHE said you were out with your tutor, what's his name…Darien? She said you wanted some extra study time, and she didn't know when you would be back." Her eyes narrowed. I shrugged. "I thought you said nothing was going on between you and your Uni teach?" My toes are very interesting I discovered as she spoke. I watched them waggle unsympathetically from underneath the thick material of my boots. I sucked at lying.

"T-there's not." She did not look convinced. I tried again. "Is it really so hard to believe that I was studying? I mean, I have an SAT coming soon…and you know how bad I am at math…and," she held up her hand and shook her head furiously. Long blond locks whipped my face and I took a step back.

"Serena, you would rather pluck all the hair from your body with razor sharp spiders than do anything with math." Pausing long enough to stare at me penetratingly, she waggled her finger. "Some one's lying!" Before I had a chance to reply, the toll of a bell sounded across the frozen terrain.

"Oops! Bell, gotta jet." I winked graciously her way and sped off, leaving her sputtering irate yells to my back.

"SERENA TSUKINO! Don't you…" they faded into the background noise as I found myself resolutely inside the building. Not daring to slow down, I dodged the large clumps expertly and found my way up the staircase and into homeroom. 

Plumping my tired body into my desk, my stomach gurgled indignantly at its constant disregard. Remembering the lunch I had grabbed on my way out, I reached into my trusty sack and retrieved a sandwich, packed full of unknown leftovers. Sinking my teeth happily into its delectable goodness, I felt the room begin to crowd as one by one, languid students flowed through the door. Licking my fingers contently, my stomach quit its aching, contently busied with its reward.

I opened my eyes and caught a shadow lying across my bureau. I paused my movement, casting my gaze upwards. My eyes met with dark (brown?) orbs, orbs that stared intently my way. Gulping loudly, I raised an eyebrow.

"Um, hi?" the strange man smirked playfully at my stupor. I failed to see the comedy. Casting a furtive glance around the room, I noticed my usual tormentors had not yet entered. I returned to his face, suspicion lacing my visage. "What do you want?" He sat in the desk in front of me, turning back nonchalantly.

"You're not as ugly as you seem;" my eyes narrowed even further. And the day began to rot.

"Are you always so charming, or is it only me that is blessed with this displeasure?" I wanted to swipe the smirk right off his handsome face. He chuckled. I gasped; just then, he looked so much like Darien…

"Just lucky, I suppose." Ignoring his comment, I removed a book from my back, flipping irately through the pages. He was silent for so long I was sure he left. Peeking over the pages, I was surprised he was still there. A voice crackled through the intercom, demanding the attention of all.

"Homeroom will be extended today into a full class. This is to be treated with the same value as any other class which means students are expected to remain on school premises until…" the rest was cut off by 'ooga chuka's' and other boisterous screams. I dare to admit my voice joined the mass'. Zipping my bag once more, I stood, slinging it over my shoulder.

"Where are you going?" the weird guy asked, strangely surprised I was leaving. I tensed my brows together.

"Did you miss the announcement? No morning class for me!" He stood, stepping closer to me.

                "You didn't answer my question. Where are you going?" I kept walking. He followed me; out the class, down the hall, and stairs until I stopped just in front of the lobby.

                "Would you please stop following me?" He shrugged. ARG!

"Not until you answer my question." Men. Sneaking past the office, I eased out the main doors.  I sighed. 

"Freedom!"

"I wasn't aware you were imprisoned." Why was he following me, why? Choosing to ignore him, I skipped down the steps, eager to enjoy my ninety minutes of freedom. My pace was steady, somewhat slow and extremely relaxed. I breathed the fresh Klondike air and covered a yawn with a sleeve-covered hand. He spoke, breaking my mindless concentration. "Soo, where are we going?" _We_? Since when do _WE _speak French? I halted my march.

"I," I emphasized by pointing to my chest. "Am going to the arcade." I shrugged in his direction. "As for you, I suppose you'll be going your own way." He raised his eyebrows mockingly.

"Now, now. That wouldn't be any fun, would it?" He was like a leech. No, he was a leech. I groaned. 

                The walk to the arcade was non-eventful, and the chatter between us two strangers waggled at a bare minimum. We sat at a booth (actually, I sat, he followed, I growled, he laughed.) Then, the most incredulous thing occurred. He offered his name.

"Seiya, Seiya Kou." I nodded slowly. He smirked, pointing his finger my way. "Now you say your name…" I hid a smile.

"Serena."

"Is there any more to that name?" I rolled my eyes and shrugged.

"Not as of yet." He seemed to ponder my response for a moment, as if weighing it on some personal scale. I hated to admit it, but perhaps I had misjudged his character. Sending him a friendly glance, I took the opportunity to study his appearance. I tried to hold back the blush from my cheeks. This boy was fine!

Now now, before I get some sort of mental attack from the Powers That Be, let me remind myself that I am completely and totally devoted to my man. However, I am a young, healthy teenage girl with hormones. Needless to say any tall, muscular guy with amazingly blue eyes and shaggy chestnut hair would make my heart thump. He grinned.

"Are you a little warm?" That only succeeded in making me turn more crimson. He seemed to enjoy my torture. Cruel, cruel nature. I tried to be nonchalant as I removed my coat, setting the heavy fabric beside me. Glancing back up at him, I stuck out my tongue.

"No…" He chuckled. Seiya seemed to find many things funny. I laughed to. "So," I started, twirling the straw in my glass of water. "Do you follow every stranger you insult in homeroom?" He shrugged and took a bite from his burger. I didn't remember the food being brought over…

"Well, it's not as if there was much else to do." I slumped back, crossing my arms.

"Oh, thanks." He grinned at me again, winking as he sipped from my glass. I narrowed my eyes. 

"You misunderstand me; I would much rather choose to be in the company of your beauty that some stuffy ol' classroom." Red flag! Red flag! Calling all emergency crews into Serena's brain!

I blinked. Did he just try to flirt with me?

The rest of our meal went quickly, with little to say.  Every so often, he would offer some information about himself; his favourite colours, best friends, his junior high experiences and other conversational material. Mostly I just sat and nodded, sipping on my water. When our 90 minutes were up, we headed back to the school, rejuvenated by the arcades atmosphere. I found myself actually enjoying our dialogue, giggling and laughing along with him. By the time we returned to school and waved our goodbyes, the majority of my suspicion of his intentions had disappeared.

The next few days passed much as normal, heading from class to class, procrastinating all the math review I knew awaited for me and before I knew it, Friday had arrived.

Berkley has this tradition; at the end of the first week of the New Year, a spirit day was declared. Everyone dressed in school colours, fanciful outfits and classes were all but cancelled. It was a day I dreaded, mostly because for the past three years, I had forgotten and had to endure even more humiliation from the school's ensemble. 

My stomach grumbled impatiently as I entered through the gates, having not yet been fulfilled as it usually was. I was getting better at ignoring its complaints.

"Serena! Serena!" I turned at Molly's voice, slipping a bright grin onto my tiered face. Running up to her, we enveloped one another in a hug. Not allowing me to escape her embrace, she began lugging me down the stairs to where the lunchroom overlooked the quad. "You've gotta see this hun, you've gotta see!" she pulled excitedly and I laughed at her tirade. 

Fanatical posters and streamers hung from the walls, ceilings, everything in sight. It almost felt like drowning in a pool of crimson, yellow and black. We ran through the halls, our group growing larger as we bumped into Lita, Ami and Rei, all of which mumbled animated vocabulary suiting whatever it was I was to see. Suddenly they all stopped. Their was an angry mob before the café doors and after several attempts, they managed to lead me under the steaming masses.

What I saw could only be described in one word; karma.

Guy Pearson circulated the disaster, completely dumbstruck. Number 1 on the football, soccer, basket ball and any other jock related retail, number 1 on the social scale, number nothing on the nice list. He lived to tease, not only tease, but also torture all those he deemed unworthy. Unfortunately, I often fell into that category.

My eyes traced the outline of what might at one time have been his pride and joy, his bat-mobile. Now, it was a pile of frozen water, toilette paper and shaving cream. How it even managed to get in the cafeteria, I'll never know.

"Tsk, tsk, what a mess," I turned to the now familiar voice.

"Hey Seiya," I waved. My friends looked at me oddly. Lita raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever happened to our ditzy jock hater?" I shrugged and grinned. He returned my smile.

"What a shame, what a shame indeed," he motioned to the centre where the now downtrodden teen collapsed on his knees, muttering something about his parents and his funeral. I cast Seiya a look of suspicion.

"I thought you and Guy hang out," he shrugged.

"You don't always like everyone you hang out with." He winked. "He should watch where he leaves his keys." They he turned and walked off. I was speechless. Who would have thought?

The rest of the day didn't meet up to its earlier climax, although it was great fun to watch the sputtering youth explain to Daddy Warbucks just how his classic BMW ended up in a high school cafeteria. I only laugh because I love.

Darien picked me up at my normal time, and I sighed a breath of relief. This mix of exercise and lack of nutrition may be slimming my waist, but it was wasting my energy. I had been jogging/walking every morning before school, not to mention my twenty-minute dash to get there on time. I cast him a sleepy grin and settled into the warm plush seats.

"Meatball head, don't be getting any drool on the upholstery." I stuck out my tongue. He kissed me. I smiled.

"Good day to you too," he chuckled. Revving the engine, he pulled out of his parking place and headed the few blocks to the library.

"So anything new going on?" he asked. I thought for a moment.

"Guy Pearson's car got toilette papered in the lunchroom today," I grinned at the memory.

"You don't seem to bothered by that," I shrugged once more, throwing my hands up to the air.

"I can't control the universe, hun. It does as it sees fit." He raised an eyebrow. I pouted. "What? He's mean. He deserved it." Darien sighed exasperatingly. I giggled to myself. Bugging him was so much fun!

"Dare I ask what else?" I pondered for a moment.

"Well, Domino FINALY asked Molly to be his girlfriend," I paused for a moment, blushing as I remembered the cute details. "He got her a ring and everything! Molly couldn't land on earth all day." Darien smiled at me, pulling into a parking place.

"You're such a romantic, Sere." Giggling once more, I sighed.

"That's why you love me!" He rolled his eyes, but didn't deny. Helping me with my bag, we went into the quiet library. 

"So, Andrew said he saw you at the arcade a few days ago with someone," I glanced up startled. Andrew was there? I wonder why he didn't come say hi? It took me a moment to register the hidden jealousy in Dare's tone. I hid my grin.

"Most likely." Darien tried to maintain his cool exterior. I could see him sweat inside. Oh, Serena, you sadistic child you.

"New friend?"

"Something like that." He was starting to get annoyed, and I knew it was time to stop the games. Seeing him jealous was fun, dealing with an angry jealous boyfriend was not. "He's just some guy I met in homeroom. He followed me out to the arcade; we struck up a conversation, then nothing." He looked at me confused. 

"Followed you?" I nodded.

"I know. Creepy. But he's actually a really nice guy. Play's sports a lot, but he's not conceded…" the muscles in his arm tensed as the compliments flowed from my lips. "He's good friend material." Then I placed a kiss on his cheek and sauntered up the stairs, pulling him along. "C'mon, my finals next week. Let's get crackin'!"

We didn't study much, but I did learn to what extent a couple can carry on before security kicks you out. 

"I guess I should drop you home?" His voice was husky, and I felt myself blush darker. He clutched the steering wheel, trying to cool his emotions. He was always like that, always in control, always. I wish I could be like him.

I wasn't looking forward to going home. I was spending the weekend at Pa's, and didn't feel like fighting with him about boys and me. After all, their was only one of which he should be weary, and he was paying me to see him. I grinned evilly. 

"Darien," I cooed, tracing my finger along his thigh. His muscle quivered lightly beneath my touch. "It's a Friday night…no need to go home early." He covered my fingers with his hand, removing them from his leg.

"Serena," he groaned. I giggled once more, enjoying his torture. He calls me names, I do this, it's a fair trade. Sighing, I removed my hand from his and reached across, pulling his seatbelt shut.

"I suppose you're right, let's go." I buckled myself also and watched as he moved discomfited in his seat. We drove in silence, the radio blasting his favourite nineties dark metal. After a few minutes, he pulled into the parkway of his condo. I raised my eyebrow. He shrugged

"I feet like watching a movie." I chortled. He helped me from his car, giving me only the briefest minute to call Daddykiens with an excuse. We barely made it into the elevator before we were all over each other. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought perhaps we should wait until we were behind closed doors, and windows, and everything. But the brain seems to quiet itself in moments of extreme passion.

We knocked around noisily in the hallway to his penthouse room, his hands banging impatiently at the handle until it sprung open. We all but fell through the door. His lips never left me, the entrance closed with a shove from his foot. We had all night, and we were going to use it.

_Next time:  Gah! Final's, tests, pranks! Seiya deems a little more friendly than necessary and Serena gets into a colossal dispute with her closest kin. As if tat's not enough, has her father perhaps learned the truth of Darien's intentions? Stay tuned to find out!_


	3. Charred Chances, Golden Opportunity

Hello, all. It has really been a while, huh? I really do apologize and I will try to update much more regularly than I have been doing. My creative juices have been at an all time low and betwixt work, school, friends, and work, I honestly don't have much time -_-; I know that's no excuse, but if you will just bear with me, that would be fantastic. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I adore your reviews, and I hope to talk to you all once more! Jolly reading!  
  
Disclaimer: Sailor moon is the sole property of Naoko Takeuchi and other such corporative companies. I do not own it. 'Nough said!  
  
____----____----____----____-----___  
  
Charred Chances, Golden Opportunity  
  
It was several hours later that a nagging feeling (that I had, until then ignored so eloquently) flew back into my mind. I jolted upright; coming so fast I nearly toppled off the bed. I looked around wildly for a clock, and gasped when I noted the flashing red numbers. Eleven o'clock? Eleven? Sensing no anvil above me, I knocked myself in the temple. Stupid, stupid Serena!  
  
My frantic search changed to find my now missing boyfriend. Leaping from the tangled covers, I stumbled into the hallway.  
  
"Darien!" I called. His apartment was rather chilly. Looking down, I noticed my clothes were no longer in place. Grabbing the edge of his no- longer crisp sheet, my sprint continued yoga-style into the main room. "DARIEN!" panic arose within my chest, echoing through his silent apartment.  
  
My eyes scoured the room before me; the soft triple seating black couch, mahogany coffee table and matching lamp stands all facing an impressive entertainment system. Over the three steps that separated the kitchenette and dining room from the television area, the stark whiteness of the tiles contrasted greatly with the darkness of the flanking room. Suddenly, though, a head popped from behind the counter. I sighed in relief. "Darien," I chided softly as he approached, a small tray balanced in his arms.  
  
"Dinner, my love?" he imitated the best he could a sultry London accent. There is a reason he majored in science and not drama. Taking a piece of the strawberry fondue between my lips, I smiled pleasurably.  
  
"Wah, fank ooh," He leaned in closely, adding flavour to the already rich chocolate. It took all my will power and the reminder of my awaiting Papa to pull away from is delectability. A cute look of confusion swept across him. I grinned apologetically. "It's eleven," I stated. Disappointment replaced his former appeasement. An idea seemed to illuminate his saddened thoughts;  
  
"You know, you could 'conveniently' spend the night over atone of your friends," I shook my head.  
  
"They'd only agree if they knew who the guy was, and I'm not about to lie anymore than I have to." He understood.  
  
"You haven't told them?" Well, partially anyway.  
  
"Darien," I turned away making my way slowly back to his room. "We've already been over this. My parent's would never let me date a guy, least of all a Bachelor's graduate.If they ever found out..." I leaned down every so often, retrieving misplayed clothes. He said nothing. He remained silent as I dressed, and checked my hair and face. He said nothing as we headed to the door and down the hall. Finally, as we stepped into the elevator, he broke the silence.  
  
"A relationship isn't all fun and games you know, Serena." His tone was serious. I looked to his eyes, and was pained to see such frustration.  
  
"I know that. We both know that..."  
  
"Do we?" he cut, sharper than I had expected. It was my turn to look away. "It seems you're all too ready for the fun and easy parts of the relationship, but when it comes to issues that just might, shake the ground a little," his voice rose slightly. "You pull back." His eyes burned into the top of my head, and I looked up once more.  
  
Shame glistened in my eyes, and tears began to form. Was this all true? I thought back to the past two years we'd been together. Darien was always the one who took on the tougher problems; scenario role-plays of what would happen if...  
  
He was the first to say 'I love you' not because I felt any less, no. I was too afraid of change. He was the one who had been abandoned his whole life; orphaned at a young age, bounced from foster home to foster home until he was old enough to live on his own. It had taken him so long to open up, and how do I repay his trust? By keeping the one beautiful thing in our lives secret. My tears began to fall at this realization.  
  
"I love you Serena, I do. But I don't want to be in a relationship where one person takes action and the other sits placidly by." His exasperation had broken into a cheerless song. The ding of the elevator signalled our exit, and like two wounded soldiers we trudged slowly to the car.  
  
"They know, your friends? They know about us?" I wasn't quite sure he heard me over the grumble of the engine. He nodded. "Please, Dare, it's not that I don't want people to know about us, its just," He ignored my excuses. I would too were I in his seat.  
  
The rest of the trek was made in silence. It was not our usual silence, the comfortable feeling of contentment I usually felt around him. It was tense, and awkward. I was almost glad when he drove in front of Dad's house. I promised to call as I exited, but he remained belted in stony silence.  
  
Darien drove away, and I felt my heart crush just a little. I knew I had to do something soon, lest our relationship fall into a finale chasm. I walked slowly to the door, all the while running plans through my mind, when finally...  
  
Both the door and my mind clicked open, and I knew what it was that I must do.  
  
"Serena," dear Papa bellowed, momentarily knocking my train off track. I turned and faced him.  
  
"Hey dad!" I ran past him. "Bye dad!" I dashed my way up the stairs and knew it would not take long for him to follow. For a man of his age, he moves impressively prompt. The door flew open, revealing my reclined form. I attempted a meek grin. He huffed angrily.  
  
"What the HELL kind of stunt was that?" I pinched the tip of my nose. Not now, I grumbled.  
  
"What stunt, father?" He did not take the hint. He never does.  
  
"Calling me without a moment's notice, popping in this late at night..." he sputtered angrily. He reminded me somewhat of a spectacle- sporting volcano. I bit my lip to hide the snicker.  
  
"I called, didn't I? I said where I was, whom I was with and that I'd return late." He rolled his eyes exaggeratingly. How rude. That action is reserved for the arrogant youths of my time!  
  
"Hmphf! For all I know, you could have been off screwin' some stranger on the street. That's all you kids do nowadays, isn't it?" he muttered the last line contemptuously, marching toward my door. I tried to hold back my comment, I really did. However, I don't allow anyone to reduce the lovemaking between two caring people into some primetime smut.  
  
"No dad, that would be your after-hours activity." He stopped. I kicked myself mentally. He moved so quickly across the room I barely noticed his action until it was too late. His palm connected harshly with my cheek, his strength sending me reeling onto the floor. For a moment, we merely stared at one another, both in shock. I was sure a fleeting trace of remorse crossed his eyes, but I quickly dismissed it. Springing to my feet, I raced past him once more.  
  
"Serena," he started. I ignored him. Speeding to the phone, I picked up the receiver. Punching a familiar seven-digit code, I groaned as Mina's answering machine picked up. She was the only one who lived relatively close. Tears blinded my vision. Unless...  
  
I dialled a new number, praying he was still nearby.  
  
"Darien Shields speaking," I let out a sob. He caught it over the connection.  
  
"Who is this?" he asked. Dad's voice roared somewhere near;  
  
"You'd better not be calling that druggie of a mother, this is my weekend Serena," Darien's tone changed to a concerned voice.  
  
"Serena? What's going on?"  
  
"Dare," I sniffled, desperately trying to keep my cool. "Can you please come pick me up?" I knew this was the exact reason we had fought just moments earlier, but I no longer cared. I needed to get away. There was no argument, no question, just an affirming 'I'll be right there'.  
  
I turned around in time to see my father glowering, his nostrils flaring in anger. To be fair, Papa was a decent guy. However, his temper exceeded his patience by far.  
  
A fair skinned woman stood at his side, long hair dangling over her Hollywood tan. Sheila. She'd been living here with him for a month almost. It was women like her that gave marriage a bad name.  
  
"Who was that you were on the phone with?" The human Barbie asked with vacant maternal care. My face blazed flush and damp. Sniffling quietly, I slammed down the receiver, causing her to jump slightly.  
  
"Just some 'stranger off the street'." Sheila appeared extremely confused. Father received another attack of a regretful veil. A knock sounded, so silent, so cautious that I almost didn't catch it. Dad beat me to the knob, yanking it open uncaringly.  
  
"What?" he grunted. His eyes flashed in recognition. "You're Serena's tutor, aren't you?" Before he could get another word in, I blew past him and grabbed Darien by the hand.  
  
"No," my voice sounded much more certain than it felt. Staring up fervently through tear-streaked cheeks, my last sentence hung like icicles in the frigid temperation. "He's my boyfriend." And we walked on, me leading the way to his awaiting vessel as Dad gazed both openly and bewildered.  
  
Darien drove, yet again, in the direction of his home. Every second or so, he would gaze at me, emotionally conflicted between his earlier anger and his present remorse. I didn't know what to say. My cheek still stung painfully from the strike and new tears found their way down my face. In an attempt to calm myself, I bit my lip, catching sobs before they could form.  
  
The car slowed, and Darien stepped out of his seat, appearing moments later at the passenger side. Slowly easing the door open, I stood on shaky legs. We stared at each other, remaining silent, his finger tracing my dripping eyes and shushing me gently.  
  
"It's ok, its ok..." My body melded to his, muffled cries breaking into his chest. Seconds passed, then minutes, and my weeping subsided. I found comfort in his embrace, suddenly confused by my fear of others knowing, judging. All I wanted was him. "Do you want to talk about it?" Slowly gazing up from his arms, I nodded. I told him of my insecurities, of my mother, my father, Sheila. I told him how worthless I'd been feeling, how everything seemed less beautiful and whimsical. Hunger pervaded me always, and my mind never seemed able to rest. He just listened.  
  
_____----_____----______----  
  
I was flying. Not in the way one suddenly rises and soars; I needed a running start. It had to be a dream; in fact, I knew it was a dream. Yet, here I was soaring above the sky tops, the sun warming my back. Somehow, the logic in dreamland is different from that of the real world. I knew it was a dream, and I planned to enjoy each precious second. Fate, once more, seemed to disagree.  
  
"Mmmph," I mumbled sleepily as the warmth left my side. The sun couldn't possibly already have left; I hadn't told it to go anywhere! Opening a languid eye, I suddenly remembered the events of last night. I kept my eyes drawn shut, not quite ready to face the world. I could hear muffled, erratic movements just feet before me, and I knew Darien was preparing for his jog. Judging from his quiet footsteps and whispered curses, he was trying to put on his jogging suit.  
  
"Mmaaeeen," I drawled. Even with my lids closed, I could see him freeze.  
  
"Serena? You awake?" Half of me wanted to lie, knowing full well he would insist I come along. My other, more ruthless half recalled all the woes of yester eve. I sighed. "Mmmmyeaah." He grinned. I bet my entire Sailor V collection he was grinning right at this very moment.  
  
"Why don't you come join me?" Am I psychic or what? "The sun's just beginning to rise, it's a gorgeous day-" I rolled over to my side and sat oh so painfully up.  
  
"Yeah yeah," I waved him off. I've never seen anyone so wired to be awake, though that might be partly due to my chronic sloth. He quickly pulled a shirt over his head, not even allowing me my morning eye-candy before reaching into his closet and tossing me a zip-up hood and pair of bike shorts.  
  
"Put these on," he winked. "I'll go get you some water." I swallowed away my parched throat and nodded, sleep hovering as a thick fog. I changed quickly, lying back on the bed for temporary sanctuary. We'd stayed up late, too late the night before, talking. Although, I must say- it had done me well.  
  
A quick knock sounded.  
  
"Are you dressed?" I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Would it matter if I wasn't?" He poked his sheepish head through motioning me to come forward. Setting the class in my hands, he gave me a quick peck.  
  
"Someone's cranky." I ignored him, gulping the cool liquid in a couple of swigs. Trudging to the sink, I set it on the counter and followed him out the door.  
  
Why isn't getting into shape easier than falling out of it? I wheezed tiredly behind my boyfriend, who ran several paces ahead of myself. I once read somewhere that each time you work out, it takes three times as long to lose that shape. So, say you work out for a month, then you stop, you should be good for three months. I huffed as Darien turned around, assuring himself I was still there. It's a lie: A terrible, awful, completely fictional lie. My sides cramped, my lungs burned and the long ignored pain of shin splints laughed mockingly at me as each step, my body grew heavier.  
  
Darien had no idea I'd become so 'obsessed' (as he coined it) about my body. I picked my speed even more, ignoring the extreme stabbing of my side, trying desperately to catch up to that Ebony haired racehorse. I remembered his words, spoken so gentle and without judgement;  
  
"I think you're beautiful. Not just out, but every part of you. I suppose, though, it does no good if you can't see it...I'll help you, if you want. You don't need to change, but if you want to be healthier, I'll help...I love you no matter what."  
  
Looking up, a brief moment of surreal contentment overtook me as the warmth from those words startled something dormant. I'm so lucky...  
  
It must have been hours, or possibly only one, later that he started to slow. My entire body had been converted into melted plastic, sweaty and wobbly and very wanting to kill the handsome, sweat free man before me.  
  
"So," he said- not even the slightest out of breath! Show off. "That was a good, light jog, hmm?" Light, jog? A light jog? Had I the energy, a retort would have been certain. He took my silence as approval and lifted me off the ground. Not to patronize women in any way, but there really is something very nice about being looked after by guys. This certainly topped the list.  
  
"I, I, t-thirsty," I panted between breaths, leaning into his side. He grinned.  
"Look up," my eyes glazed over, and I suddenly remembered why it was we were together.  
  
"It, it, it's t-the," I could not finish. Drool salivated impatiently in the corner of my lips. Holding onto him for support, I dragged each cramped muscle through the revolving beauty that was the Arcade.  
  
The fresh scent of baked goods, hot dogs and ice cream invaded my starved innards; their gurgling cries sounding over the familiar beeps of the games. I held a tightened hand over my stomach, suddenly remembering the amount of leg that was showing. Feeling me stiffen, Darien dragged me forward.  
  
"So," he started. "What would you like?" I was startled. This was the first time ever we were out in public and doing something 'couply'. Perhaps we really had needed that talk; for both of us. Hearing my thoughts, he reached over and wriggled my hand from my other clenched fist, holding it comfortably in his. I glanced up and grinned.  
  
"Umm," I looked up to the menu. My favourite triple chocolate fudge sundae glimmered at me innocently from the menu's chalky surface. I opened my mouth, and then quickly shut it. No, no Serena. My head shook mentally. We don't like chocolate remember? My stomach growled objecting. "I'll have grapefruit and slice of toast please." My stomach may not be please but my pants will be.  
  
Sending me an odd glance, I wrinkled my brows, trying to look too guilty. "What?" He looked to me, then the menu, then me once more.  
  
"You don't want anything more?" I shrugged.  
  
"I'll have an orange juice too..." his gaze went slightly concerned for a moment before nodding.  
  
"If you're sure," he pulled a goofy face. "You can share my bacon." I stuck out my tongue, wrinkling my brow. Raising his brows suggestively, he leaned foreword, lips inches from my own...  
  
"Are you guys ready for your order?" An irate voice snapped, its depths rolling like sour milk. I peeked an eye to my side and gasped as I recognized the waiter.  
  
"Seiya!" 


	4. Rumor Mill

I blinked. Millions of questions raced through my mind. When did he start working here? Wasn't it only Andrew and his family who ran this place? Why did he sound so angry? Where was my food? I blinked.

"Seiya!" I smiled brightly. When in doubt, charm always seemed the best route. Mamoru sat across from me, unsure what to do. A swift kick in his shins reminded him of his manners, and his mask of pain quickly transformed into a strained smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Taking your order," He replied. I winced at his sarcasm. Mamoru looked to me questioningly; written plainly on his face was the question I new he yearned to ask- who was this guy? My grin faltered slightly. Perhaps sensing his abruptness, Seiya winked. "Andrew needed extra help. Lizzie decided she didn't feel like coming in today and I, the hero I am, volunteered my services!" His chest puffed egotistically and I for a moment was reminded of Mamoru when we'd first met.

"Right," I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Mamoru's irate face landed in my line of gaze. Giggling sheepishly I quipped: "Oh! Right," Nodding my head in Mamoru's direction. "This is my boyfriend Chiba Mamoru," bowing politely, he extended his hand in a friendly greeting. Seiya simply raised an eyebrow before conceding.

Ending their greeting hurriedly, Seiya redirected his attention my way.

"So doll," he leaned slightly forward. "What's your poison?" His comment caught me by surprise. Giving him a confused look I posed;

"Wha'?" He chuckled.

"What do you want to drink?"

"Just two waters for now please," Mamoru answered, a slight edge in his voice. I wondered briefly what could be bothering him, but Seiya's voice cut into my thoughts.

"Alright old man," He scribbled something quickly on his paper pad, possibly deliberately ignoring the angry glare Mamoru sent his way. Without glancing up, he promised his swift return with our drinks and menu's and left before either one of us could say anything. Cocking my head to the side, I voiced my thoughts.

"Hmm, I wonder what that was all about?" I looked at Mamoru pointedly, waiting for a reply. His gaze however, still lingered on the path taken by our server. I sighed. "How come you ordered us both waters? I wanted a milk shake!" Finally catching his attention, I jumped at the long scowl on his face. Trying to hold back a smile, I raised my eyebrows. "Keep on making that face and it'll stay like that." He growled.

Mamoru never growled. Actually, that wasn't true. He denied growling but whenever he was driven to extreme annoyance or anger, that sound always swelled in his throat.

"I don't like that guy," he stated sourly. Leaning back, I wiped a hand across my sweaty brow.

"Seiya? Why not?" He jerked his head up, as if startled by my query. "If it's about that little quip on your age, don't take it personally," I chided. "His jokes are usually sarcastic like that." That stunned look still squashed on his face, shrugged my shoulders. "What!?"

"God your clueless," he muttered disbelievingly. I narrowed my eyes.

"Hey! What'd I do?"

"Nothing," he said quickly. "_You_ didn't do anything." I rolled the suggestion through my mind, trying desperately to find it's meaning. Alas, to no avail.

"Okay," I drawled slowly. "Then, what's the problem?" He sighed heavily, and began in an almost demeaning tone.

"He was hitting on you!" I stared at him wide eyed before erupting in a fit of giggles. Sensing he might be insulted by this, I bit down on my bottom lip; hard. Mamoru leaned back and focused his eyes on the path Seiya followed to the table. His arms crossed and eyes glowering, I knew it wasn't my telepathy that led me to believe he was upset.

"Mamo-chan," I reached across the table, trying to pull him out of his silent anger. "Mamo, that's just how he talks. He does this with everyone!" He didn't seem to be budging. "It's nothing, really!" Looking up, I saw Seiya fast approaching. "Look, I'll even ask him, okay?" I opened my eyes wide, super wide and played into the most desirable puppy dogface I could muster. He caught my antics, but tried to turn his face away before I could see his lips twitching in a grin. Gotcha!

"Here're your waters," Seiya slid them unceremoniously across the table so that the water splashed sloppily over the edges of the plastic. Lifting the cup to my lips, I gulped half of it down, unaware to this point just how thirsty I truly was. Mamoru picked his up also, though more cautiously, as if poison really had been laced within its cool depths.

Smacking the glass back down on the table, I heaved a satisfied sigh, my stomach feeling heavy and rippling with the water inside. That thought send my hand straight to my belly, feeling for the familiar bulge of food entering its bottomless tomb. My hand only felt warm sweat though and it seemed once more my self-consciousness was created from figments of the mind. Catching Mamoru's eye, I felt a warm sense of comfort in his gaze.

Recalling now the question I was to pose, I looked to Seiya.

"Ready to order?" He asked. See? I told myself. Completely innocent. Before I could answer, Seiya seemed to pause mid thought, a smirk painting his face.

"Uh," I started. "Yes?" Another chuckle rolled from his lips and he raised his slim hand to my chin. I felt him tilt it slightly up. "Uh," I stammered. His eyes stared focused at my mouth. "W-what are you doing?" I looked desperately to Mamoru, whose look of shock was transforming quickly to his quiet look of fury.

"Leave her alone," He stated, his voice low and taking on a slightly gravel sound. Again, Seiya either ignored him or was very concentrated on my face. I felt a light dabbing of something soft on my face and as quickly as he'd cradled my face, he released it.

Holding up small cloth, he looked to Mamoru.

"She had some water on her chin." Brushing off the boiling look in Mamoru's eyes, he grinned. "Just doing my duty!" I felt a blush creep to my cheeks. Furrowing my brows, I spoke.

"Seiya, your not hitting on me, are you?" He stopped and gazed at me before handing us both menus.

"Of course!" and he turned on his heel and strutted back to the kitchen. From across the table I could feel the muscles in Mamoru's legs twitch as he tried to stand suddenly.

"Mamo!" I stood faster then he and, gripping his shoulders; his very strong, sweaty shoulders...Hmm, perhaps we should leave straight away- USAGI! Common sense brought me back from my musings and once again my efforts were focused on keeping Mamoru in his seat and Seiya's body intact. "Chiba Mamoru, don't you dare!" I scolded. Though his muscles were still tense under my fingers, I could feel the resistance ease. "That's better."

In truth, if Mamoru had really wanted to knock the innards from someone, there really wasn't much I myself could do. However, logic being so deeply engrained in the mind of this young med-student, we both knew that the likelihood of him actually assaulting someone was not in the high percentile. Still...

"You know what Mamo-chan? I'm not really that hungry after all." His eyes were glazed over and I knew he wanted desperately to voice his line of 'I told you so'. I sometimes wondered who was really the most mature in our relationship. Tracing his clenched jaw line I whispered something oh so pleasing in his ear. When I returned to look in his eyes, I saw a quiet twinkle and laughed.

The morning alarm chimed with all the musical talent of a tone-deaf dog. Muffling protests, I rolled over to greet the blinking green numbers dancing evilly before my eyes.

"Mmmph," I grumbled, to no one in particular and reached out with one hand to forever conquer the irritating beep. The weekend always passed so quickly by and, like always, Monday returned balance to the universe. It was late last night I found myself sneaking clumsily into mum's place. The house was an absolute sty; bottles scattered everywhere, stenches of body odor, vomit and gathering laundry attacked my nostrils with a strangely soothing familiarity. It was hard to believe what a clean freak she was- had been. Everything was had beens and back thens now.

The resurrection of the alarm blaring roused me from my mind and I frowned sleepily. "Must've hit the stupid snooze button..."

I readied myself quickly, managing (somehow) not only to accomplish my jog, but also my showering and pampering in under an hour. When, alas, I descended the staircase, I noticed mother leaning against the bottom banister. "Mum?" I called, not too loudly. She was usually hung over by this time of day.

She didn't turn at my voice and neither did she start. It was almost as if she were off in some phantom realm. A stab of fear pierced my heart and for a moment, the thought of her turning to drugs pelted me. "Mum!" I called again, more determinedly.

When again she made no move, I dashed to her, reached out to spin her around.

"Usa-chan," She whispered softly, her head still gazing over cluttered floor and rank décor. I paused. Her head turned slowly, either purposefully done or a well tuned device to handling drunkenness. Her eyes looked hollow and sunken, a greater age than should have been present showed itself in their depths. She raised a pale hand to my face, tapping my cheek gently as if to be sure it was a reality. "This place is a mess," she nodded in all directions, focusing her eyes on the window overlooking the kitchen. "A mess, such a mess" she whispered hoarsely, and suddenly, I wasn't so sure she spoke if the house. As if realizing her words, she raised her hand to her gaping mouth. Her eyes turned back to look at me, and something seemed to stir from their depths. "Come on now, you'll be late for school,"

She led me gently down the stairs, towards the door. "Go on Usagi, have a good day dear." Her lips pecked my cheek, and as if sensing her sour breath, she pulled away quickly. "Well," she waved me off. "Go on!"

As I rode to school, all that swirled in my mind was the image of mum, gathered by the banister, looking like a ghost. Really, that's all she was now. Ever since Dad and her, 'separated'. I sighed. _At least Shingo doesn't see this. Maybe he had the right mind, staying with Dad..._

In my heart though, I knew the reason I still stayed with Mum. She needed me.

_WHOHOHOOHO freaking long time since my last post, huh? Uh, yeah. Funny story. I forgot the email I use for my ID so I couldn't get access to my account to update...yeah...totally blows....._

_In any case, the next chapter is in the works (really! I mean it! Three pages written already!) And, thanks to my new organizational skills, it will be up by wednesday (just in time for me to go back to school). Yay. Hope you all like this this chapter! HAPPY SEPTEMBER!_


	5. The Sound of Silence

School greeted me with its regular glory. Though I hadn't yet spotted one of my mates, I knew it would be a matter of time for one to seek and tell me all of their glorious weekend. For once, I would be able to tell them just who I spent mine with. It was a great weight off my shoulders.

Walking from homeroom to first period, I saw Molly in the hallway.

"Mol!" I called, but she kept quiet, walking right passed me. She mustn't have heard me I reasoned. Surely the noise level was to be blamed. Still, I couldn't shake the transient feeling that today was going to go very, very badly.

I sat in my usual desk for English and looked around for Mina. Begrudgingly, the seats filled and only when I saw the familiar blond bob of my fellow musketeer did I straighten and wave.

"Min!" I whispered. "Over here!" she looked up, startled, and then chose a seat completely opposite from myself. Normally something like this wouldn't bother me. We aren't joined at the hip, and coincidence allows for two such similar dismissals. It was the look in her eye. Anger, betrayal, and hurt- something told me I was the cause.

The rest of the day passed with no further academic difficulties. Two extra extension dates were handed for projects that lay forgotten at home, I'd argued my way from three detentions to none and (in great part to my morning tortures) I was able to complete the fitness test with hovering colors.

Unfortunately, the social problems were much more apparent. The whole morning I'd spent snubbed by Molly, Mina, Lita, Ami and Rei (the latter of which I had come to expect such moodiness…in any case). I'd thought at first it was some sort of anniversary I was forgetting, so I spent a good hour looking over my agenda and proofreading the notes, finding (of course) nothing.

I'd tried confronting them at lunch, only to be on the receiving end of the most burning glares in history followed by a united walk off. Now, sneaking through the halls, I tapped Amara gently. She jumped and spun around with the look of one who would receive no greater pleasure than to knock the eyes out of the insolent youth who dared approach her. I cowered beseechingly.

"Amara! Please don't walk off on me! Please, please, please whyowhydoeseveryonehatemeIamsoveryveryverysorryforwhateveritisthati'vedoneordidorwilldo," I took a deep breath and groveled on my knees. "What did I do?"

At first she said nothing, and I feared she would simply stalk away like everyone else. Instead, she looked at me strangely and, rolling her eyes, pulled me to my feet.

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" I grinned.

"Bathroom break?" Shaking her head, she dragged me behind her into the nearby lavatory. Throwing me against the wall she raised a brow.

"Start talking - eh, slowly this time." I breathed deeply.

"Ever since this morning, all the girls have been ignoring me, all day, and they're mad, and I'm not sure what I did to make them mad, but I can't even apologize or find out what I did to make them mad because they won't talk to me and I know it's not just one that I pissed off because they're standing like a united front or something against me…" I sighed. "Hpphhh! I don't know what to do." Amara leaned against the wall, reminding me vaguely of the statue of 'the thinker' I'd seen somewhere once.

"Sere, you haven't listened to the rumor mill recently, have you." I perked.

"What?" Amara raked her hand through her short, choppy blond hair.

"Some senior started this whole thing about, well, you, going out with this college guy…I don't know who started it or how it evolved or what, but it went from you being his mistress to you guys being married…" she trailed. I stood agape. Who would start a stupid story like that? The whole college guy thing, well only Seiya knew about…I clasped my hand over my mouth.

"Oh, my, God…" I mumbled. Amara leaned forward, her face hardening.

"You mean its true?" I looked up and nodded slowly.

"Partly…" She crossed her arms protectively over her chest.

"How many times have I told you? The only person you are allowed to date is me!" I slouched against the sink, lolling my head around its wet base.

"Amara," I groaned. "Not the time to be kidding." I paused. "Darien and I have been seeing each other for a while, but for, you know, reasons…"

"Like, pedophilia?" I nodded.

"Yeah. No! No, that's not what I meant. I don't know." Amara shrugged.

"So, why's everyone so pissed at you?" I winced.

"'Cause I didn't tell them…not just them, I didn't tell anyone!" I rushed. "And I would lie when they would ask about guys and stuff…" She raised her brow once more. It was beginning to get irritating.

"So, if you didn't tell anyone, how did-"

"Seiya…" I groaned. "He saw Darien and I together and I told him…"

"Then you did tell someone." I shook my head.

"It's not like you think. Dare and I'd just decided that weekend we would go public, and Seiya for karma's purpose was working at the arcade and he saw us, and the decision was already made not to lie anymore…" I wheezed frustratingly. "I was going to tell everyone about him today…" Silence crept over us both. Finally, Amara spoke.

"Well, I can understand why the girls are pissed Sere. You can't just lie to your friends and not expect it to blow up." I banged my head rhythmically against the back of the sink, shamed tears burning my eyes.

"Yeah," I croaked. "I know." She was silent for another moment before pulling me to my feet and wiping my eyes.

"Alright princess," she said. "I'll talk to Michelle and we'll see what we can do." She hugged me close, one arm over my shoulder. "Relax, okay? You guys'll patch up sooner than you know."

And so the day passed on.

I arrived home to an unusual sight. Mum was bent over the living room rug, her arms scrubbing at some indiscernible decay that had somehow managed to appear on said surface. Her eyes narrowed, intensely focused on the task at hand. I bend forward, to remove my soppy shoes when I noticed another abnormality- lack of clutter. The garbage and papers and shoes and whatever else usually clogged the front hallway had disappeared. I peeked through the closet. No limbering towers of junk. Instead, our seasonal jackets hung straight and pressed from hangers, and our shoes all lined up on a shelf I had long forgotten existed.

"Mum?" I called slowly. She didn't answer. I dropped my shoes where they were and walked down the front hall, frozen to silence by the total change I saw. Where there had been stains and drink rings and crookedly hung pictures filtered the fresh pine scent of Mister Clean. Frames had been polished and straightened to their original glory and I felt the need to steady myself against the freshly scrubbed wall. A heavy wave of nostalgia threatened to knock me violently over.

"Mum?" I tried again, but it came out no more then a whisper. I took a couple paces forward and, for a moment, stared at her motivated form. There was an intensity- no. A clarity to her eyes that I'd missed seeing, or at least hadn't been shown since Dad…

"Serena, home so early?" I jumped. Her eyes looked at me openly, with a motherly concern that had been lacking. I wasn't used to the attention. Suddenly, I felt guilty, as though this time I was secretly spying on her.

"Uh- y-yeah…" I sputtered. "I mean, yes." My eyes followed where her fingers rested, red and raw against a bristly cloth. "Um, what, I mean when-" It was like learning to talk to your parent all over again. Just when you'd thought you'd figured things out. I took a deep breath. "Looks like you did a lot today," I finished lamely.

Honestly, I wanted to ask why. It tried to burst from my chest in its normal extroverted excitement, yet I bit it down. It felt as though I'd walked into a dream- a dream of normalcy I'd long been wanting. It felt fragile, as though any wrong word or movement would destroy the new balance.

She looked around the newly sterile room, as though not entirely pleased. "Yes, well, it was due, don't you think?" her smile was warm, and wavering apologies seemed to fight the corners of her lips. At the same time, it seemed strained, like she hid something from me.

I nodded.

We stood this way for hours of minutes, moments stretched to the brink of eternity; time pulled so languidly that its very essence seemed to form somewhat poetic stances of the silence. Then, somewhere in the deserted kitchen, the phone shrieked for attention.

"Oh," Mum glanced up. She tilted her head to the side. I thought of how dad enjoyed actions like these, her childlike despondencies. "The phone…" I picked up the hint. Grinning I crossed my eyes and stuck out my tongue, in major need of comic relief.

"My adoring fans, likely." I joked. She grinned. I turned and dashed to the kitchen, catching the call on its third ring. "'Yellooo" I said, suddenly feeling ravenous.

"Hai, Odango," I grinned and felt my face flush. Walking to the fridge, I held the receiver between my shoulder and ear. "Darien?" I responded brightly. This was the first time he'd called me at home. Pulling open the door, I peeked inside the chilled closet to see what I could see.

"Serena, honey, there's a chocolate mousse cooling in the oven," I nodded (as though she could see it) and walked to the oven. Finally, I could smell something other then cleaner fluid.

"Guess again," I paused, halfway through a melting chew. Somewhere in the back of my mind a warning alarm went off, as though to say 'you'll come to regret that!' but I ignored it. I don't know why.

"Wha'?" I mumbled, mouth currently preoccupied with other endeavors. Laughter sounded on the other end. I frowned. "Who if' 'is?" More laughter.

"Can't understand a word you're saying. Listen, meatball head. Me and a bunch of people are going to the mall. Wanna come?" I swallowed the second slice.

"What?" I said more clearly, already a third piece magically manifesting itself in my hand. I was growing impatient. "Who is this?" The other line crackled.

"Guess," perhaps it was the sudden obnoxious tone, but the familiar tones in the voice finally picked up.

"Seiya?" I could hear him nod over the line.

"Who else?" Before I could retort, he interjected. "So you wanna come or not?" I was immediately inclined to say no, then, thought better of it.

"Well, I guess so…who's going to-"

"Great!" He interrupted again. I rolled my eyes. "I'll pick you up in a half hour. Be ready." I started.

"Wait! Don't you need my address?" I could almost hear him wink.

"I've got my ways." I snorted. "Oh, and uh, wear something nice." And he hung up. The little brat hung up. I removed the phone with my unstuck hand and saw (much to my dismay) half the cake had already disappeared. I slammed the phone down, annoyed. Have you no self-control? I berated myself. I couldn't understand why I did this- always did this. 'Failure must be my nature' and I cast the thought just as it came.

"Serena!" Mother called. I wiped my fingers disgustedly against my belly and strode to the opposing room. "Don't slam the phone dear." Then, separately she asked. "Who was that?" I froze, startled by her 180 degree change. Who was this woman? Could no one stay constant?

"Just a friend," I paused and added the bit about the mall. She nodded.

"Don't be late, dear. You've school tomorrow." I turned and frowned. This was mum but something, something was not right. She was acting the way she used to. I looked up. The house was as it used to be- even the banisters were polished. An uneasy feeling sank to the pit of my stomach, and for some reason, I knew it wasn't just the cake.

I walked up the stairs and prepared for the mall.

Seiya came, on time, 30 minutes later. I stood from where I sat on the steps and waved. I'd exchanged my baggy shirt and sweatpants for loose-fitting jeans and zip up shirt. It was warm enough to get away with such light wear. He honked in return and I piled, as directed, into the back.

I barely settled in the seat when he sped off, tires squealing on the not yet melted roads and threw me onto the laps of two other strangers.

"Uh, hi." The humiliation continued.

Seiya introduced his comrades as though I were already affiliated with his world. And then, we went off, doing literally nothing.

First, we stopped at the food court where we, (well the guys and myself) ordered some burgers and the girls giggled and opted for water and salads. I could feel their eyes scrutinizing my shape and suddenly felt ill. Seiya reluctantly split my meal with the other footballers. My stomach complained silently.

After the first torture spent itself, we went on to the next. First, we hit Record, the ideal zone for musical delight. I went immediately to the soundtracks isle and browsed for cd's. The girls looked at me as though my fourth head had finally sprouted.

"What are you doing?" I stared blankly. The blond girl's name escaped me.

"Looking at cd's?" She rolled her eyes, placing her hand on her hips. The other one behind followed. They were obviously part of Beryl's brigade.

"Why?" My mouth would have opened wider, but the floor seemed to be in the way. Before I could demand a pardon, I watched as their eyes flashed and widened. Spinning my head, I spotted their prey; a cute guy, broadly muscular with shaggy brown hair. And they were off. I stared in pure disbelief.

"Frightening, isn't it?" I merely nodded. Seiya laughed.

"Are they always like this?" He only shrugged and went back to where the guys hung around a young attractive teller. Their heads blocked her face, but for some reason, I was given the feeling she sent cold glares my way.

The day went on mostly like this. Near the end, I was growing frustrated with their taunts.

"Come on, Serena," Jessica(finally! I remembered her name!) Chanted. "Don't be such a bore!" one of the shorter jocks chuckled and put his arm around her shoulders, and they chuckled and tittered together like a two headed vomit dragon. The others followed their lead except for Seiya, who seemed to keep his opinion to himself. Well, that was new.

"I told you, I'm not interested…" But they continued. I understood, at long last, peer pressure. It was not an act committed to hope for acceptance. It was committed to silence the superficial demands abhorrent creatures commanded. I heaved a sigh and turned my head, desperately releasing one ear of their inane banter when I saw a sight. My lips grinned deliciously. "Fine," I said ominously.

There was a pause- a silence (oh, how I treasure it! Was this what I sounded like to my friends? If they ever speak to me again, I swear to shut up…more often…. make an effort at least). Then they erupted in giggles and awes and raucous laughter that made my skin prickle uncomfortably. How could Seiya stand these people? He seemed so…normal.

I stood up and straightened my shirt. Walking forward to the entrance of a cellular store, I paused at the entrance, found my target, and persisted.

"Why, hello handsome…" I purred as sultry as I could, carefully placing a desired strut to my walk. I placed my hand on top of his and he looked up, startled, and backed unconsciously away. I winked. He smirked.

"Meatball head- what are you doing here?" I pouted, batting my eyelashes and attempting to appear wounded.

"Play along," I whispered, maintaining my farce. He quirked an eyebrow and I jerked his arm down. "I'm here with Seiya and some of his friends and this is how they get cheap entertainment so play along or I'll never hear the end of how my follicles are in disarray and my cuticles need major attention," I paused for effect, striking what would have been a very dominatrix pose if I had a whip and leather suite. "And neither will you." He continued smirking, likely not in full comprehension of what I was about to do or why, but thoroughly enjoying the attention.

"Keep it PG, Serena," he whispered huskily. The bastard. He knows my weakness. We continued the appearance of a flirtatious show, his back to the group, my eyes peeking every so often over his shoulders. I couldn't help but hum old porno tracks from the seventies, and it took both our control not to laugh at the 'Booow-chika-Booow-boww's. Then, when I was sure we would both lose it, he swept me off my feet (literally) and dipped me for an old style kiss. I lost.

My laughter and squeal resonated loudly across the enormous space. The customers of the cell phone hut jumped back, as though frightened by actual human interaction. Apologizing profusely, we staggered out, he scolding me for "Always being so loud. Way to be subtle." But I knew he was itching to break face.

We stood before the group and the girls dropped their jaws and the boys, well, I suppose they weren't really sure what to think. Seiya simply rolled his eyes.

"Impressive, Meatball head." He mocked. "Very." I sent a raspberry his way. My enthusiasm seemed to have returned.

"This is my boyfriend, Darien Shields," I let the pride douse my words, enjoying the flustered faces of the girls as they tried to throw him flirty looks.

"Hi, Darien" they synchronized. He nodded respectfully.

"Hello- You're Serena's friends?" He looked at me questioningly, as though to say 'this is not what I expected'. I shook my head and they nodded theirs. Seiya clarified.

"They've just met. Acquaintances, I guess you could say." I sensed a sudden hostility between the two, and I wondered if Seiya was angry with me for acting so separate from the group. We all stayed and chatted a little longer. But there was a definite awkwardness and soon, we all separated. I told Darien I would call him from home, and ride home with Seiya since it was he I'd been out with.

"Mmm," he grumbled, and kissed me (more possessively then usual) before parting. During this, I felt my arms prickle again, as though someone had caught me in the midst of a crime. I looked around, but saw no ominous clowns, or familiar faces for that matter. I shrugged it off.

I came home to the same clean house I had left, slightly awed by the day's experience. I welcomed its silence after the somewhat entertaining ride home, Seiya rudely joking about everything from the other girl's behavior to the guys and their senseless submission.

Sneaking into the kitchen, I grabbed the remainder of the cake and stashed it with me in my bedchamber. I loved that word. It made me feel regal- as though I were a princess. I flipped on the small television on the far wall and sat contently back. Before the end of some MTV production, I'd finished the remaining half of the cake, and proceeded then for my cookie stash. Again, I silenced the logic that told me to stop. I don't know why.

I called Darien, and spoke to him briefly. He sounded slightly on edge and when questioned, he answered;

"I'm not comfortable with Seiya and you together." He rushed to explain his certainty that Seiya was attempting to 'score' with me. I laughed.

"We're just friends." I could hear him tense.

"I know that's what you think you are but-" he sighed. "Seiya doesn't necessarily share that opinion."

We moved onto other subjects, my friends' abandonment, his new thesis, my mother's odd behavior, and his landlord's newest demands. We finally said goodbye before midnight. Well, it was more brief then usual.

As I lay awake, the sheets rumpled under my back, I gazed to the stars. My body felt heavy and exhausted and wave upon wave of guilt crushed me.

I really should have told Molly and every one sooner. Why hadn't I? Why weren't they willing to listen to me now? Why was I such a moron?

And, what was this, going on with my mother. Had she finally gotten over her heartbreak? Or, did she have a new man in her life?

I bolted upright as though a thousand bolts of lightening accompanied the thought. My stomach bulged over the elastic of my pajamas. Frustration curdled in the pit of my stomach. I always did this. I always sabotaged my success. God. Why was I so retarded? Why could everyone put the past behind them but me? Since September, even Sammy's been able to spend time with dad…

I crumpled. Tears gathered in my eyes. Above me, the stars faded to blackness as I sent up my final conclusion.

If I were thin, everything would be perfect.

I can't believe its been such a long time since my last post. Mein, ghott. I have nothing to say in my defence except apathy is lethal. And caffeine is god. Next chapter in the works!

Dizzy4

p.s. I know I called Sammy Shingo in one of the past chapters- gah, I'm getting the English and Jap versions all crossed in my little electrified brain. I so so sorry. Will make better, good.


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